Of the Stars

"Do you see them?" you ask. Your arm is wrapped around me, and you're staring up at the sky. "See what?" The city lights obscure all, and there is not even a moon in the sky this night. You look down at me and smile a bit wistfully, as if my mere mortal eyes cannot penetrate the deeps of the night sky as yours can. But your eyes cannot see any further than mine. Can they? "The stars," you say. "They watch over us, from all their great heights and distances, touching us briefly with their light. Far off, whole other groups of stars spin and dance and create life of their own. You can't see them now, but you will someday." "What do you mean?" "We are all of the stars, and to the stars we will return. Much like the galaxies, we're just clumps of stardust packed tightly together, some more compressed than others. But do you know the difference between us and the galaxies?" "Hm?" You turn towards me, taking my hands in your own. "The ability to love." Your lips brush against mine briefly and their touch lingers as you fade away into golden stardust, swirling away on invisible winds back into the immeasurable universe.

Starbound

Chase the lights across the sky

and meet them in oblivion.

Follow their trail through the heavens

where they spin in liquid obsidian.

Their knowing winks and chilly smiles

spread across night’s basin,

hinting at the depths beyond

and whispering black temptations.

Telling us to join them

in their transcendental dance,

so we follow but can never reach-

held in place, as if entranced.

Cold whispers, jeering down

taunting as they spin.

If only we could reach, they say,

their secrets they would sing!

With proud disdain they glimmer down,

from amongst their blissful deeps,

and seductively they call to us

of the secrets that they keep.

Gazing at the stars,

we dream of what’s above.

Wondering what their light is hiding,

ever hopelessly enthralled.

101 things about me

1. I honestly can't believe I'm 18. I can't be an adult yet! There's no way!
2. I wish I knew how to play guitar.
3. A lot of people describe me as "unique.' I'm still trying to determine if that's a compliment or an insult.
4. My first pet was a white cockatiel named Pearl, and she was the best bird ever.
5. I had another bird after her named Butters. He was an asshole.When he somehow got out of his cage on the back porch and flew away, I felt very little remorse. I did, however, feel remorse for not feeling remorse. 
6. My pet right now is a dog who looks like a tiger. He's named Sailor Jerry, and is my best friend and I love him more than I love most people.
7. I wish it was socially acceptable to run barefoot through the mud and the rain...
8. ...but that's never stopped my from doing it before, anyway. 
9. I absolutely hate being in a crowd. 
10. My djembe is my baby, and I feel better in a crowd or social situation when she's with me, which she often is if I've been performing or practicing.
11. I think my hobby of playing with and breathing fire fulfills some deep-seated desire from my childhood to be a fire-bender.
12. I have a temper like you would not believe.
13. But I'm also very good at reigning it in, much to the benefit of all.
14. Unless I didn't have coffee that day. In that case, watch out. I'm addicted to coffee and I'm absolutely worthless without it, not to mention extra-mean.
15. I really want a pet snake.
16. I love singing and I'm really good at memorizing lyrics.
17. I have trouble leaving instrumental pauses out of a song when I'm singing. So I end up going through the instrumental part in my head and people just have to deal with the resultant long awkward pauses.
18. Somehow, I both hate and love wearing dresses.
19. My bestfriend and I have a pact that only one of us is allowed to be in prison at a time.
20. When I get married, I'm using the phrase "I promise that for the rest of my life you will be my one phone call" in my vows. It's from The Simpsons. And I think that's beautiful.
21. At any given location in my room, there is always at least one knife within easy reach.
22. My last knife count totaled at somewhere around 20, give or take...
23. And I don't think 20 is nearly enough. I feel about knives the way other women feel about shoes.
24. I'm the same way about books. There are stacks all over my room because my bookshelf is crammed full. I'm pretty sure I'll die smothered in a pile of books if there's ever a minor earthquake or if I want to read something on the bottom of a stack... 
25. One of my close friends calls me Madam North because I'm such an ice queen. 
26. Bad grammar makes me more mad than just about anything. Especially the differences between they're, there, and their. Your vs. you're also angers me immensely, as does the use of alot. ALOT IS NOT A WORD.
27. My favorite time signature is 15/16. 
28. My favorite major chord is D.
29. There was a long period in my life where I inexplicably refused to put dressing on my salads. 
30. I always have a notebook and a pen in my purse.
31. I'm a lifelong vegetarian and I think I probably always will be.
32. When I'm stressed, I bake.
33. Then I stress eat what I stress baked. It's a very convenient coping method. 
34. The thing that pisses me off more than almost anything else, including bad grammar, is when someone sees a pentacle, such as the one I wear as a necklace, and they automatically assume it's a symbol of the devil and that I probably sacrifice cute animals to Lucifer. Educate yourself. Or ask me, and I will educate you. But don't be an ignorant, assumptive bigot. 
35. For my 16th birthday my older brother gave me a flame thrower, which I keep handy in my closet.
36. I shoot a primitive weapon called an Atlatl in an ISAC competition once every year, and I'm pretty dang good.
37. When I was learning to shoot Atlatl, my little band of friends and I named our target, which was a baby mammoth painted onto a piece of carpet. We each picked a name and used the initials to title him B.A.G.M.E. 
38. A great part of my childhood was spent watching my older brother and his friends playing video games.
39. I tried being normal once, just to see what all the hype was about. I got bored and went back to being a pirate. 
40. My friend has a flying squirrel, and it's adorable and I want one, but I'm afraid if I got one as well as a snake, the flying squirrel may disappear. 
41. My friend and I have a running joke that, as a pirate captain, I commandeer a ship called Madness. Long story. She can sail through the seas, through the skies, across the land, and through time and space, and is apt to appear in many different forms, much like the TARDIS before it was broken and stuck as a blue police box.
42. In honor of my ship, we have christened my kayak Madness as well. 
43. I am more at home on the river than anywhere else.
44. My bestfriend's nickname for me is Blue Lightning. 
45. I love mornings but I hate getting up for them.
46. My favorite flowers are daffodils and lilacs.
47. I have a sign on my door that says "Here There Be Dragons."
48. I hold a strong belief that there is only one time and place for decaf coffee: never, and in the trash.
49. I once lost a throwing knife in someone's back yard. 
50. I'd give almost anything to know what the heck they thought when they found it in the morning.
51. I consider myself lucky if I get over 10 hours of sleep total during a week.
52. I love traveling with my dad. We just listen to music and sing the whole time, and it's awesome.
53. I used to be scared by deep water, but now I love the open ocean.
54. I fear car crashes. It's one of the only things I fear.
55. When I can't sleep I like to sit on the tiny patch of roof outside my second story window. It's not dangerous at all, I promise.
56. People have compared my sense of humor and personality to Kurt Vonnegut's. 
57. I think they meant it as an insult, but I totally took it as a compliment. 
58. I talk to myself a lot.
59. It typically takes me less than 10 minutes to get ready, no matter what the event.
60. Top Gear is my favorite show. British, not American. American Top Gear is unworthy of the name.
61. My favorite pick-up line is, "If I were any element on the periodic table, I'd be protactinium. That way I could always be next to U."
62. T.R. Tolkien is my favorite author of all time. 
63. Intelligence in the people I consider my friends is very important to me. If I can't hold an intelligent conversation with someone there's no way I'll be able to form any kind of relationship with them beyond "casual acquaintance."
64. Even though I'm a total stickler for grammar I misuse commas all the time. 
65. I am the Grinch. Christmas is my least favorite time of year and I detest Christmas music and shows.
66. I want so many tattoos. 
67. I don't have any social media site other than a Facebook, and a Google+ account, but that's only cause I had to set up one when setting up my Chromebook.
68. I'm horrible at offering advice, but I will always be the first to offer someone a listening ear, comfort, or a sarcastic comment. Whatever's needed.
69. I am that jackass that will tell you what you need to hear, never what you want to hear.
70. My bestfriend and I refer to the word "morals" as "the 'M' word" and treat it like the most grievous of swears.
71. At least 30% of my personality is bad puns.
72. If you can't tolerate my bad puns, we probably can't be friends.
73. I would love to be able to fly.
74. Once upon a time, my happy-go-lucky dog, who has not a violent bone in his body, growled super deep in his throat at some guys who were cat-calling me while I was walking him. It absolutely terrified them and it was awesome.
75. In the last dream I had, my bestfriend and I went to Wonderland and captured the Jabberwocky.
76. Speaking of which, I have the entire Jabberwocky poem memorized.
77. I love reciting it under my breath in random places around people I don't know or don't know well, just to freak them out. 
78. If that doesn't convince you that I hate being around people I don't know what will.
79. One thing I really want to witness is the Aurora Borealis. 
80. I really miss my friends from my childhood, but I don't think I could be friends with them now.
81. Nature is my religion and the Earth is my temple. 
82. Misuse of the word "literally" makes me figuratively insane. 
83. One of my favorite places to be is in my hammock out in the woods with the wind rocking me and the gentle sun streaming through the forest canopy above.
84. I can't stand to keep my fingernails painted for more than a day or two at a time. I always end up taking it off.
85. I have no such issues with my toenails being pained, however.
86. One time I was walking my dog after work and singing a great classic Irish folk song that just so happened to be a pretty raucous drinking song and I was walking towards a police car parked in the street, but I didn't realize it was a police car until I was walking by it and the police man was leaning out the window giving me this stern look like, "Really?" I shut up real quick, but cracked up laughing as soon as I turned a corner.
87. One day I want to visit the Shire that they built for filming the LOTR and Hobbit movies.
88. I also really want to visit Venice, and I've wanted to ever since I first read Cornelia Funke's book The Thief Lord.
89. My bestfreind wants to go to Venice too, for the same reason. It's on our list of things to do together, but we may or may not ever get to it.
90. When I say "it's on our list of things to do," I mean it literally. There's an actual list that we've been writing.
91. My ticket for prom cost more than my prom dress did.
92. Half my wardrobe used to belong to my mom. I love all her old clothing that she's given me.
93. I hate my nose more than any other part of my body.
94. Other than that, I'm fairly comfortable in my own skin.
95. One of my deepest wishes is that more girls and women were conformable with their bodies. I think it's extremely important to be okay with the way you look and comfortable in your own skin.
96. Once I became comfortable with my physical self and became less self conscious, I also became more comfortable with who I am as a person. My personality and all that, in all its weird uniqueness.
97. I cannot get lost in the forest, even in somewhere totally unfamiliar. 
98. However, I have a much harder time with my sense of direction when in a building or in the city.
99. When I was in 2nd grade, I wanted to be a paleontologist. 
100. That's not what I want to be anymore. However, ever since then, I've leaned more towards the sciences.
101. I very much doubt that anyone would be much inclined to walk towards me in a dark alleyway after reading this.

Lyric Shuffle Poem and LyricThread Piece

Place your hand on my beating heart
It'll leave you breathless.
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
And I'll write your name.
You're the cure, you're the pain.
They'll tell you I'm insane.
So honey now,
Take me into your loving arms,
Let me take you past our satellites,
Or it's gonna go down in flames.




I met you. You started as some random guy whose name I didn't know. But then you became my best friend. Our friendship grew and we never knew it could mean so much, so much. We'd both forgotten the value of true friendship, and you stirred my scarred heart to beating again as you said I did yours. We didn't stop to think about it, and we didn't even realize that maybe we found love right where we are until you were already leaving, and already gone. And now we wait for the distance to grow small again, for wait is all we can do.

Wonderful Tonight

Inspired by Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight

She appears on the steps and I gaze at her,
My sun, my light, my love.
She floats down the stairs and into my arms
and I hold her close and spin her around.
I whisper to her, "You look beautiful,"
and a smile lights up her face.
An answering joy lightens my steps
and speeds up my heartbeat.
Our song is running through my head,
like a soundtrack to our love.
And I know in this moment, right here right now,
that I'll never be letting her go.

Some Favorite Lyrics

Wild Squall- Sea Dogges
Well the moon is softly rising
but the storm heads are a'growin.
Though the sails hang loose and free,
soon they'll dance to winds a'blowin.

Heave away, laddies away.
And we'll haul away together.
As the wind catches the sails,
and we roll from lee to weather.

Heave away, laddies away.

Now the crew is coming topside,
and they're hauling on the braces
as the first drops from above
fall gently on their faces.

Heave away, laddies away.
And we'll haul away together.
As the wind catches the sails,
and we roll from lee to weather.
Heave away, laddies away.

Well the night is black as pitch now
as the waves crash over the railins'
But the spray that blinds my eyes
will not keep this ship from sailin'

Heave away, laddies away.
And we'll haul away together.
As the wind catches the sails,
and we roll from lee to weather.
Heave away, laddies away.

Now the mate is shouting orders
midst the howlin of the weather
but a lonely shanty rises,
crying out, "Lets haul together!"

Heave away, laddies away.
And we'll haul away together.
As the wind catches the sails,
and we roll from lee to weather.
Heave away, laddies away.
And we'll haul away together.
As the wind catches the sails,
and we roll from lee to weather.
Heave away, laddies away.
Heave away, laddies, away.
Heave away, laddies, away.


Cloak of Feathers: The Ledgend of Blodeuwedd- Damh the Bard
Owl at my window,
Calling from the tree,
I hear our voice in the cool moonlight,

Do you sing those words for me?

To me they sound so empty,
Why do you sound so sad?
As you tell me of the things you've seen,
And the home that you once had.

(Chorus 1)
Beyond the mist of myth and legend
In a place not far from here,
Beneath the stones on the hill,
I want to see you land,
And I wonder if I'll ever, understand.

The owl she told me,
Of her home within the hill.
Of the wonder, and the magic land,
That lies within there still.
But a curse it follows lifetimes,
And it took away her skin,
For the words of a wicked man,
Made birds of her kin.

Owl of the nighttime,
Owl of the sky.
Spread now your ghost-white wings,
And on your back I'll fly.
Over the forest,
To the Hollow Hill of Stones,
Land there within the ring,
And call for your home.

(Chorus 2)
Beyond the mist of myth and legend
In a place not far from here,
Beneath the stones on the hill,
I want to see you home,
Give me a Cloak of Feathers so I'll never be alone.

And the mists they part as through we fly,
In my Cloak of Feathers,
The owl and I.
Birds fill the trees in this wonderland,
And an ancient curse is broken,
By the love of a mortal man.

Lady spin your circle bright,
weave your web of dark and light.
Earth, air, fire and water
bind us now as one.
(Repeat 2x)

Teachers & Music

Ms. Self said that old Journey songs remind her of her childhood, and Mrs. Hopke said Barry Manilow. Personally, every time I hear a Bob Marley song I remember my childhood and dancing with my mom. Ms. Self really likes positive music, and her favorite song is Roll With the Changes by REO Speedwagon. Mr. Snyder said Bon Jovi, and scoffed when we asked why. My favorite, at the current moment, is probably Omnia or Enya. The song Raindance Maggie by the Red Hot Chili Peppers is a song that reminds Mrs. Hopke of someone she loves. She sais it reminds her of her daughter, Maggie, for obvious reasons. The song Three Little Birds by Bob Marley reminds me of someone I love. It was the song my mother always used to sing to me, and at her wedding reception, she dedicated it to me. Every time I hear it I think of her and her nickname for me, "Bird." Mrs. Hopke said that she's been to many concerts, both as a teenager and as an adult with her daughters. One concert she remembers well was a Matchbox 20 concert she went to with her daughter. They got to meet the members, which she said was exciting, and her daughter got sick, which was not so exciting. Ms. Self said that she loved going to Ozzy Osbourne concerts because they had "slick pyrotechnics." Coming from Ms. Self, I found this very surprising! Personally, I don't go to many concerts except for small ones with local bands. Mostly, they're just playing for other events. But one concert I remember very well was the Flobots concert I went to in 7th grade. It was my dream to be able to see them live, and I found out they were playing in St. Louis during the same week I'd be there visiting my grandparents. Mission accomplished! I got to go to Pointfest and see them, as well as many other awesome bands. Mr. Snyder said he usually listens to 96.5 on the radio, and sings along if he knows the song. He said when he was growing up, Hank Williams Jr. was considered offensive. I don't really listen to the radio, but when I do, it's either 102.1 or 91.1. NPR all the way. I don't follow modern music enough to know if anything is widely considered offensive, but personally, I find most popular modern music to be an affront to the name of music. Mr. Snyder said he refuses to listen to Marilyn Manson, and simply made a disgusted noise when asked why.

Music

Over the years, my taste in music has changed dramatically in some respects, and stayed the same in others. I never liked what others did, and I still don't. "Popular" music and I never really hit it off. However, much of the music I liked when I was littler has worked its way out of my life, as has much of the music I liked in middle school. Most of that, I'll admit, was music that my older brother listened to. Because he liked it, I liked it too. Now I've found my own taste.

It's impossible to pick a favorite song, but one of them has to be Wild Squall by the Sea Dogges. It's such a hauntingly beautiful song and has a way of invoking all ranges of emotion. I connect to several fantastic people and memories. One of them is driving into Horseshoe Canyon with my dad. It's one of our favorite camping places, and the stars were coming out above us. We played this song several times in a row and sang it. It also reminds me of singing it around a campfire at the Primitive Skills Rendezvous and Knap-In that we go to. I've been going there for longer than I can remember, and it's like another home to me. Sitting around the fire with my second family making music with them is one of my favorite memories. They actually asked me to sing it several more times. The last memory I associate with that song is probably my most vivid and personally important to me. Before my best friend left for National Guard training for 7 months, we had one last really awesome day. We hung out at my dad's house until about 2 in the morning, and spent a lot of that time listening to, singing, and discussing music. I vividly remember this song coming on, and singing it with him. He's one of the most important people in my life, and this is one of those times I remember with absolute crystal clarity.

I admire the music of Enya in particular because her music has such a unique feel. It has this smooth, pulsing rhythm that just knocks you back and carries you away like an ocean tide. It never fails to give me goosebumps, and all of her work is just so beautiful and otherworldly.

Without music, my world and life would be much bleaker and quite simply lifeless. Music brings color to the world, and expresses things that words can't. Hardly an hour goes by that I don't listen to music, and when I'm not listening to music I'm singing it. It makes me think like little else does, and offers ideas and inspiration and peace. My own sanity and likely the health and safety of those around me would be compromised without music.

My closer friends do listen to some of the same kinds of music that I do. With some of them, it's because I made them listen to a certain band and they fell in love with it just like me, or vise versa. With others, I think the answer is slightly less straightforward. I'm not a people-person, and I'm not prone to making close friends quickly or easily. They say your vibe attracts your tribe. Those with the vibe of my particular tribe all seem to have a similarly odd taste in music. The people I find myself attracted to as friends all share my style.